Lately, I have had the feeling that my Nana is trying to tell me something. For the past week, thoughts of her have popped into my head at the most unexpected times: driving down the street, walking with Luke, in the middle of teaching…and I couldn’t figure out what it was she was trying to say, or why she was on my mind so much this week.
There were so many times this week that I said something to Luke, that I am positive I took directly from Nana. Maybe not so much what I said, but how I said it? She had this way of speaking through her clenched teeth, not because she was mad, but normally while she was squeezing our cheeks, like “You are just TOO cute!” And when Michael and I would eat dinner at Nana and Bompop’s, we used to smile at each other when she would tap her finger at the edge of one of our plates, meaning “keep on eating” without having to say it. I did the same thing to Luke this week when he paused during dinner. It’s funny how your subconscious will just take over sometimes.
Something that happened multiple times this week, was something that used to make me giggle when I was little until Nana would join in with me to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. You know how you go searching for something everywhere, until you are distraught at the prospect of having lost your keys/phone/glasses/etc, only to find you are staring right at it, or worse (and what normally happened to my Nana) find it on your person or IN YOUR HAND???? I cannot begin to count how many times she and I would laugh together over searching for her sunglasses until we would realize they were on her head, or hunt for her keys, until she would realize she was gripping them tightly in her freehand. This week I could almost hear Nana laughing with me as I realized my sunglasses were on my head while driving after I had given up hunting for mine and tried to wear Luke’s instead! And when I was searching through my purse for my car keys when they were in my free hand.And while I was (pay attention now) on the phone with my mom discussing this very phenomenon that had taken over my week, and couldn’t find. my. phone.
Yes, you read that correctly. I know I’m not the only one, you know you’ve done it too. (And if you haven’t, could you just pretend?) I realized that it MUST be Nana trying to reach me when I was listening to one of my students read to me. The book is called Nick’s Glasses, and I often use it to check whether the kids are comprehending what they are reading. As Nick goes through the book searching for his glasses, his family members give him ideas of where to search, and finally his brother offers up the idea of a mirror…they are on Nick’s face the whole time. Okay, Nana, I hear you LOUD and CLEAR (side note: shouldn’t it be loudly and clearly?).
It wasn’t until I read my mom’s Facebook post (a phrase most people don’t expect to use that often) at the end of this week, that I figured out what was going on with me. It was the second anniversary of my Nana’s passing and I hadn’t realized it. I am so lucky to have known my Nana and her all encompassing love for me, and I am so glad that I am beginning to be able to relive these memories with more happiness and less pain.
And while I search for Nana in my daily life, I am now happily basking in the sounds of Nana’s giggles and laughs as she watches me imitate her. And I realize I don’t have to keep searching. She’s been here with me all along.